


dangerous

by lucnds17



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Homophobia, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25780822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucnds17/pseuds/lucnds17
Summary: After high school Hinata realizes his feelings for Kageyama, and he believes Kageyama does too.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

Hinata could watch Kageyama all day. He could get lost in him so deep, but he was always able to come back to the surface.

"I was watching it happen!" Kageyama let out, finally losing his cool. All eyes at the table were on him as he unleashed on Hinata.

"Yeah, but you were drunk," Hinata added in, chuckling softly. As always, everyone was amazed at how someone so small could handle someone like Kageyama, completely unfazed.

"I was, but I remember it clearly!"

Hinata lifted his eyes and managed a sweet smile, "Kageyama-kun, has that ever been true?"

Little fits of quiet laughter began to sound from their group as they watched Kageyama grow flustered, "Yes, boke."

Hinata burst at that, their friends' laughter grew along with him. Everyone had been enjoying watching the two bicker (a feat that wasn't uncommon) and even Kageyama found it a little amusing. He didn't mind giving up this fight, if it was to Hinata.

As the others moved on quickly to another topic, Hinata looked over at Kageyama and found the boy staring at him with careful eyes. He could feel a blush spread over his cheeks, what could he be thinking about?

Before Hinata could shy away from the heat of his stare, Kageyama gave him a soft smile from across the table and returned to his drink.

It was an unspoken truth that Kageyama behaved differently towards Hinata. In their friend group they probably all came to the conclusion it was because the two had been friends since high school and therefore have known each other the longest.

Kageyama himself believed this too. Or at least told himself that was the case.

But Hinata believed Kageyama had a different reason. Well, maybe he just strongly hoped. Hoped there was some part of Kageyama that loved him in a way that was different than friendship, in a way much deeper.

Kageyama's eyes and smile occupied Hinata’s mind for the rest of the night.

“Hey, need me to walk you home?” Hinata offered when their group finally decided to ditch the diner.

Kageyama seemed to hesitate at first, but seeing how he had drank too much, decided he needed some assistance.

"Sure."

Kageyama knew he needed to be careful around Hinata, so he always tried to stay just out of reach from him. It was something Kageyama could never explain, but something he knew from the moment they met.

Hinata would be dangerous.

As they walked down the street the sun was hitting the ground at an angle. Kageyama watched Hinata out of the corner of his eye as he leaned against him. It always amazed him how well Hinata could hold his liquor, despite his size. But right now it amazed him how his orange hair caught any hint of soft light, how his eyes seemed to glow despite the darkness, and how everything about him seemed heightened in the glow of dusk.

Kageyama gulped. Yes, this was very dangerous.

“You gonna be okay without me?” Hinata grinned stupidly as he watched Kageyama stumble through the doorway to his apartment.

Six blocks earlier Kageyama had fallen over because he said he didn’t need Hinata's help, which of course promptly led to fifteen minutes of squabbling and an embarrassing amount of effort to get Kageyama back on his feet.

Just like then, Hinata is making fun of him. Even laughing his ass off his voice sounds good. Entranced, Kageyama remembers what Hinata said at the diner.

Then he comes to a conclusion. Hinata’s right, Kageyama never remembers things clearly when he’s drunk. Because he swears he doesn't remember a time when Hinata looked this good, he swears his hair has never caught the light so nicely...

Maybe it's a trick of the light or even his drunken state, but Kageyama wants a closer look.

He takes a step towards him, he has gone too far. He's lost control, now he seems to be within a strange clasp, being drawn in. Kageyama is too close and Hinata is too quiet.

When they finally meet, it’s fatal.

He has surrendered, to whatever demon has taken over.

When he does lean back, Hinata’s no longer laughing. He was no longer fumbling around but frozen in place. Kageyama couldn't exactly place his expression... it wasn’t shock, it was almost the opposite.

Realization.

Hinata knew, if they went any farther it would mean he would be left heartbroken.

But self-indulgence and self-destruction took over. He had his own demon to match.

He relinquished power and chased Kageyama’s own, pushing him back through the doorway and shutting the door behind them.

Tomorrow morning, he can deal with his heartache.

Tomorrow morning...

When Kageyama forgets everything, when Kageyama goes back to liking girls, when Kageyama goes back to being his best friend. Then Hinata can lie to himself. He can say he had a few too many at the diner himself, he can say this never would have happened if Kageyama hadn't kissed him first, he can say he had a one night stand (for once).

He can lie to himself for the rest of tonight. He can lie to himself for the rest of his life, just like Kageyama will.

But right now, Hinata prays tomorrow never comes. Right now, he thanks God for his heaven, then he asks for one more favor... that each second shall multiply within itself, grow ever smaller, infinitely smaller. And that Hinata shall be here, wrapped up in this night, forever.

When tomorrow morning does come, he’s still lost in Kageyama’s touch as he wakes to lost prayers and an empty bed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a lot of time skips during the aftermath of their first night ;) again sorry for any grammar errors.

Hinata decides to put on the clothes he wore from last night instead of rummaging through Kageyama's closet. Although they have taken each other's clothes before (more like Hinata takes Kageyama’s clothes), in this situation it felt a bit awkward. 

He leaves the apartment quietly and begins his journey towards his own, his mind chewing up one dire question: did Kageyama remember last night at all?

* * *

Voices jar Kageyama’s mind a little harsher today and gravity weighs down on his shoulders. Plus, his path to class somehow seems longer.

The previous day he had woken up with a pounding headache, cramped shoulder, and a naked Hinata in his bed. Naturally, he decided to sneak out very slowly and get some coffee, then maybe run a few errands while he was there, and of course mull over the night’s events until he needed another coffee. All the while praying he stayed out long enough for Hinata to wake up and leave his apartment.

Now Kageyama walks down the street to his first class of the day.

"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid!" He has his face buried in his hands as he continues to babble, oblivious to the weird looks he receives. 

"Kageyama?" Shit. 

Kageyama brings his hands down and slowly looks up, for a second he sees Hinata, the electric hair and energized stature. But it's not him.

He lets out a breath, "Oh hey, man."

It was a classmate from his business course. The boy didn't even look like Hinata besides the hair, which stuck out in every direction. In fact, today Hinata’s in a different part of the campus entirely. So why was Kageyama so jumpy?

"You okay? I didn't mean to startle you..." The boy seems a little nervous, making Kageyama realize what his face must look like. But points to the guy for courage, so maybe Kageyama should be nice.

"No, sorry, it was just… I thought you were someone else."

The boy seems to relax as he sees Kageyama is now docile, "Ah, well did you want to walk to class together?"

"Sure," Kageyama didn't need to hesitate, "what's your name again?" 

"You uh... don't remember?"

"I remember  _ you _ , just not your name."

He chuckles, "I'm Hisao."

"Hisao, I remember now."

* * *

It’s a few days before Kageyama and Hinata have a class together, and when they do see each other it goes better than expected.

So, Hinata is even more confused. 

"Hey," there's no hesitation in Kageyama’s voice, no waver, it seems unscripted.

"Oh, hi," is all Hinata gives along with an awkward laugh. 

Great, now things are weird, and he made them weird, because he's weird. 

Hinata avoids eye contact so as to not pressure Kageyama to sit next to him. It was obvious he didn’t want to talk about it, the guy left his own apartment. But despite all his doubts, Kageyama pulls up a chair and sits down like he always does.

They must look strange today, though Kageyama's the same as ever, Hinata sits rigidly in his chair fumbling with his hands and sweating buckets. 

But what Hinata doesn't know is that Kageyama is falling apart too, that he's run over this inevitable meeting in his head for days on end since that Sunday morning. He's practiced his greeting, how he would sit down, all the works, and he has Hinata believing his act.

* * *

From that moment things go back to how they were before. Slowly. And two weeks later their Saturday night repeats. Too many drinks, two people left alone... and then they bury it. 

Together, another unspoken truth that neither will acknowledge. For the next few months, this goes on, like a broken record playing the same line to a song. 

Until...

"Who's this?" Hinata smiles as he peeks around Kageyama's shoulder.

"This is Hisao, he's gonna come with us to the diner tonight." Hisao in turn offers a friendly smile and Kageyama continues, "Oh, Hinata, that reminds me, did Katsumi say he was coming?"

"Nah, he's getting ready to transfer to a different university, going into a more specialized school."

Hisao shifts his gaze to Kageyama, "Ah, you said your parents were pushing you to do the same right?" 

Hinata feels a sudden twinge in his chest. The air grows heavy around him and in one instant Kageyama is out of reach. 

Did Kageyama tell him this earlier and he forgot? Did he forget to tell Hinata because he assumed he knew already? Or did he not think to tell Hinata at all?

What the fuck? 

Why does this friend (or whatever) of Kageyama’s know more about him than Hinata does?

Kageyama, completely unbothered, answers, "Yeah, in Tokyo. I’ve decided to go."

The words fall off his tongue so easily that Hinata needs to double back. No, he didn’t forget or assume, he simply didn’t want to let him know. 

Hinata can read Kageyama so well, but at times like this he wishes he couldn’t.

For the rest of the night he goes quiet.

* * *

Hinata goes quiet for a while. Kageyama doesn’t see him except in class and even then they barely speak. All the while, Kageyama continues to act, sticking to his script. 

He knows why Hinata had stopped talking to him and going out for drinks. Some days he wishes he hadn't broken the news the way he did, but this was the only way he could stay in character. Pretend that there isn't something more between them.

When Kageyama moves away in a few months he doubts he will stay in touch anyways, and he can finally get a break from Hinata, and whatever they were.

All he has to do is last a few months.

* * *

Hinata goes quiet and Kageyama doesn’t kiss him again. 

He feels betrayed. 

Every touch they ever shared becomes a scar, every glance disturbs Hinata’s conscious. He let Kageyama destroy him from that fatal first kiss.

It was that moment, he could feel something shift, something inside him that made room for another. But now there is a void where he had created space for. 

Incomplete, hollow, gone.

Just like that Kageyama begins to fade, his hair, his eyes, his skin. His image turns to gray.

Hinata imagines their desk and beside him, instead of Kageyama, it’s the angled sunlight. Maybe he’d move there, analyze the marks left by Kageyama’s wear.

Hinata imagines Kageyama’s apartment, already pretty boring but this time it’s vacant.

He drinks in this dull reality for days, trying to erase the marred memories, the pain, confusion, love. Kageyama had decided Hinata meant nothing to him, it’s time he did the same.

But he betrays himself, he imagines a time before this to Karasuno. What if he never had Kageyama by his side then? 

And just like that half of his time there tips on its axis. As if he’s dropped something precious, his memory cracks and fear seeps in. Losing that would be losing everything. 

Losing him would be losing everything.

Just like that Kageyama’s color returns and his presence scribbled crudely back into Hinata’s reality. 

It’s messy, it’s a disaster. But they have never been perfect and they have never given up on each other before. The obvious finally hits him in the face and Hinata needs to sit down for a second. How could he be so stupid at this age? Why would he ever give up on Kageyama of all people?

Although it seems Kageyama has given up on him, Hinata knows it’s not because he wants to, it’s because he’s scared. Kageyama is pushing him away because he loves him too… 

That must be it.

Hinata doesn’t dare dismiss that thought. Even if it wasn’t true, even if it was impossible, that never stopped Hinata before. 

There once was a tall wall that stood before him, and now he faces a greater wall. He then vows to break it down and cling to that small chance Kageyama feels the same way. 

Hinata can’t leave things as they are, not when Kageyama hasn’t left yet.

He’s got time, but not for long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter three should have some direct conflict and will come out soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I wanted to upload this chapter quick after the second one bc the second was just like a passing of time/context chapter meant as a build up for this one soooo enjoy <3

Kageyama plans on living his lie, a character in a play. At least for a little while longer.

And then things go to shit.

It’s two in the morning and he hears a knock at his door and whoever is there is very insistent on it being opened.

“Kageyama!” He recognizes that pitchy little voice, “open the damn door!”

“Hinata, it’s two in the morning what crack are you on?” Kageyama finally shouts at the shadows of Hinata’s feet.

“Aghhruuuhgg!” (Hinata becomes inaudible when he gets emotional).

“For the love of God,” Kageyama mumbles and then forces himself out of bed despite his disorientation.

In his final leap towards the door Kageyama stubs his toe into the shoe rack.

He winces in pain but yanks the door open as fast as he can, “ _ What? _ ”

Hinata, at lightning speed, pushes past Kageyama before he can get a good look at him. Kageyama didn’t see him but he could smell him... and he’s drunk.

“When do you leave?” Hinata shoots.

Kageyama is frozen in place, he hopes Hinata will allow him a few more seconds to process what’s going on. He pinches the bridge of his nose and waits a beat before he answers, “A few weeks, Hinata.”

Hinata doesn’t turn around yet, “How long did you know you were going to leave?”

Kageyama doesn’t want to answer that, but given how angry Hinata is, he knows he won't be able to lie, “Since the beginning of this year.” 

Hinata doesn’t meet his eyes yet, but he tenses like he was afraid of that answer.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Kageyama continues when he realizes Hinata is going to stand there and say nothing--even though he was the one to wake up Kageyama by screaming in the middle of the hallway at two in the morning and--you know what, never mind.

They stand among the calm, until it becomes a storm. Hinata, in an instant, is right in front of Kageyama. Eyes like a hurricane and a kiss as dangerous as lightning and Kageyama thinks that, at the rate of these change of events, he might die.

“Get off me,” he gasps as they break.

Hinata has no intention of doing that. In the moonlit room, limbs become tangled and he manages to topple over Kageyama.

All there is is Hinata. The storm. The chaos between them intertwined. The shock hits Kageyama in the face, he can’t believe it takes a wrestling match in the dark to realize what a mess he’s created.

“What are we, Kageyama?” Hinata asks as he manages to trap him against the wall. “Did you ever know?”

Kageyama goes pale.

“Every time,” Hinata’s voice begins to break, “when we were together I knew a part of you wanted to be with  _ me _ . But you would get drunk before so you could write it off as some  _ mistake. _ ”

Kageyama can’t breathe, he’s never felt so disgusted with himself in his life.

Hinata continues, “You were the same every time, you always kissed me first.”

And continues (this time with tears), “You kissed me every time. I know we act like it never happens but I always know you remember! It’s the only thing you ever remember clearly. I can see it when you look at me in class. I know you Kageyama, I’ve known you so long. You’re the same!”

Kageyama’s eyes are hidden, “Get away from me, Hinata.”

“Answer the damn question!”

“Get away.”

“No!”

“Hinata, please!”

“Who am I to you? Who am I going to be to you when you  _ leave? _ ”

Everything, and nothing. Collapsing into one, a black hole forming in the void, the other side unknown. Kageyama can see his death, and he’s terrified of the other side. 

He grabs Hinata’s collar and drags him up. There are tears in his eyes and snot on his face and his breath smells like alcohol, but all Kageyama wants is to get closer. And that scares the shit out of him.

“You’re disgusting!” and with that Kageyama throws Hinata’s small body to the ground, just like so many years ago. 

He watches him wince on impact then stare up at him in horror. The look shatters Kageyama, why does he feel so sick right now? And then Hinata lets out a sob and curls up in pain, physical or emotional Kageyama can’t tell. Perhaps both. He watches Hinata hiccuping and catching his breath, his chest lurching from his body and his knees curling up to keep it in.

Kageyama is at a standstill, at this moment he’s never felt so unsure of anything. He doesn’t know what comes next, the only thing he can do is let time pass him by, change around him until it brings him to movement. Hinata mumbles something incoherent, who was meant to hear it is unclear. Someone or something. 

Then,  _ “I love you.” _

_ “Kage… yama…”  _ Hinata’s voice is the opposite of sound, it seems to be a vacuum, but Kageyama can guess what he’s saying.

Kageyama can feel his chest pull in, right above his heart. Something was always off when he was around Hinata...

“Get out.”

Hinata squirms a bit on the ground but other than that he doesn’t make a move to get up. “Listen to me,  _ please. _ ”

“I heard you.”

“Then why can’t you be honest?” Hinata burst out between gasps.

“I don’t know how much you drank tonight, but--”

“ _ Do you have any feelings for me? _ ” For some reason Hinata’s sobbing ceased and he was looking at Kageyama dead on. And within his eyes Kageyama didn’t see insanity or fog, he saw clarity. Hinata knew what he was asking of him.

Something struck Kageyama deep inside, right on beat. Like instinct he flinched, “No!”

“ _ Do you-- _ ”

“I can’t!” Kageyama’s the one who threw Hinata to the ground but he’s the one backed in a corner.

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I don’t!”

“You mean you don’t want to.”

“No, I don’t love you!”

And with that Hinata curls back up, tears renewed on his face. 

He’s defeated it seems, but at the same time not. Kageyama remembers defeated, he remembers the pain they shared in high school after their first official match against Seijoh. Hinata was frozen, unable to move on. 

In contrast, now he’s squirming on the floor, what is he now? Kageyama is well versed in Hinata’s actions, his words, his movements. If he had to guess he would say Hinata is frustrated.

“You don’t understand what I’m saying,” Hinata manages through tears.

Dear God, he’s going to make Kageyama say it out loud, “Hinata, I’m not--!”

The feeling of the word about to come out of his own mouth feels wrong, curt, something he doesn’t want to speak of. He hates that he even has to clarify the fact he’s not…  _ that _ .

He settles, “I’m not what you want.”

Hinata feels the weight of his stomach drop, he didn’t realize how bad this was. He can’t even bring himself to say he isn’t  _ gay _ . 

Hinata needs to throw up. Does he hate the idea that much? Does he hate that it’s a part of Hinata? 

The throb in his heart turns into a sharp pain. This pain, his years of confusion, months of frustration all push him over the edge. He stumbles to his feet and ignores the light headrush as he tackles Kageyama’s ankles.

It seems even drunk, Hinata hasn’t lost his speed, but he has lost his accuracy a little. The fall is messy and Hinata can feel his wrist land awkwardly as it’s squished in between the floor and Kageyama’s knee. But he ignores the pain and climbs on top of Kageyama as they wrestle in the dark (again).

Hinata grabs Kageyama’s shirt and shakes him a little, he needs him to look him in his eyes, “I’m not saying you’re gay and I’m not saying you’re straight!” 

“I’m saying love who you want to love!”

At that, Hinata can see something shift, but Kageyama doesn’t answer.

“I’m saying don’t  _ not _ love me just because I’m a boy!”

He can see Kageyama freeze, his eyes are unsure as he narrows his brows. In the silence Hinata maps his face, every curve and angle he’s recognized. No matter how difficult this boy always seems to be, Hinata never seems to mind in the end.

At last he releases Kageyama’s shirt and moves back. Hinata knows he won't change his mind, not like this, but he can tell he made Kageyama think, and that in itself is a rare occurrence. He laughs to himself, and stands up. Maybe tonight, for the first time he can leave things up to time. 

All his life, in volleyball, against every opponent, every hour spent in a gym, he’s had to bring change upon himself. If he wanted to get better he would need to give all of himself. But this time was different. He doesn’t need to reach for the summit, he’s already there, he just needs Kageyama to climb up on his own.

For some reason he knows if he puts one-hundred percent of his trust in Kageyama, he won't fail him.  If Hinata was the sun, Kageyama would be the night sky, appearing when Hinata could not. Right now he has to trust Kageyama will make it in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmk what yall think and thank you for reading, I'm working on developing the rest of the story I have an ending in mind :)

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone, this is my first work, sorry if there are any grammar errors. thanks for reading! there are longer chapters to come soon.


End file.
